Is clean coal real? Just ask The Beautiful Clean Coal Miners.
… After high school, like so many unskilled and ambitious men in my town, I signed up to work at the Beautiful Clean Coal Mine. Our hope was that some university-poisoned scientist might discover or invent that clean coal bullshit and the facility would go into production. That never happened.
Unfortunately, friends, clean coal doesn’t exist. Yet.
Just like orgasm-rich VR doesn’t exist. Yet.
Or friggin’ casinos on Pluto don’t exist. Yet.
You see, the best idea these PHD-types can come up with is trapping all the CO2 and other crap that comes from coal production in a bubble and injecting it deep into the ground. Call and ask one of those son’ bitches in Oklahoma how they feel about injecting high-pressure crud into the Earth; You’d be lucky to catch ’em between earthquakes.
Now here’s the good news. A few of the beautiful clean coal miners and I have decided to focus on music ’til those taught-up college boys figure out this clean coal junk; If and when those scholastic suckers discover/invent clean coal, we’ll go back to the mine. Until then, we’ll be known as The Beautiful Clean Coal Miners.
We still need some keys and a bass player for live shows in support of our debut album, Girlfriends with Good Jobs. Tryouts are next Saturday at the Santa Monica Ralph’s. Learn more about it on my Instagram account.
To learn more about the myth of clean coal, read this Popular Mechanics Article from former editor James B. Meigs. Meigs once wrote an op-ed in favor of offshore drilling, so it’s hard to pigeonhole him as a hippy. Word?